My love for life is more than myself..
I’ve learnt so so much in the past year and a half. There have been many struggles in my life, but that last couple years has been the deciding years of my life so far. Not many would be able to understand where and what I have come from. The pain that is felt in silence inside many of our hearts is an overwhelming burdensome feeling that we must give to the almighty father if we’d like to experience his grace. My testimony of his passion for me as his child is true and whole. I always get emotional thinking of how he has rescued me from that pain caused from self doubt, self hate and self lust. It’s an amazing feelin to be free, I’ll say that again, it’s an amazing feeling to be free.
I remember not to long ago, I would sit at my desk at my job and completely feel eye deep in self hate. I would question myself daily, fight battles with everyone trying to prove myself and completely break down every single day when it was all over. I worked many jobs day and night and weekends. I was always trying to “make it" through the day. Then I took a leap of faith, based on pure guidance of an instinct I had no idea was more than just a gut feeling. That feeling literally pushed me to the edge of conciousness where I could see my pain internally and hold it in my hands, it was that real.
One day I picked up the bible and searched for the answer. That pain, that reset, that cause, the emotional distraught, that breaking barriers feeling, that dense heart, started resolving. I accepted Jesus into my life and since then he has shown me that he has always been there just waiting for me to say, Father please help me. It’s not a hard thing to do, accepting Jesus is the easiest task we will all ever have to do if we choose to do it.
I started my business in 2010 and while working as a freelancer, I also worked full time as an accounting assistant for a dress manufacturer in NYC. There I was sexually harrassed and after 2 years I went on to my other life lesson as a Financial coordinator for a Ortho office in NYC. There; I was belittled and bullied. It was those days where the money was so little, the responsibilities were so big and the bills never ending. At that time I could barely afford anything. See my life literally started in 2011, after I went through separation and divorce. I was dead broke and dead hearted, but I had an ambition to become more for myself. I never let that dream go, I still have those dreams. I just know that I am meant to do something big.
Fast forward to 2017, December. I finally left all the pain behind and sat on my sofa and cried for two weeks. I think I was reborn in someway, somehow the renewal I felt has been a life changing experience I cannot explain. My only change in action has been the acceptance of Jesus in my life. Today I went from working 6 days a week to 3, my business has flourished the most since 2010 and I gained the most clients in the last year than in the last 10 years. I have time to dream, think, appreciate and love. Our lives are a gift and Jesus wants us to know this. His call to us is strong, just open your hands and heart and confess your sins to him. He will do the rest.
I am a woman in Christ, I belive his mercy will never hurt me. I trust only in him and I take everything that happens on a daily basis as his gift to me, good or bad. I am still learning, everyday is a journey.